Back to school season brings a specific kind of chaos to every house, whether you’re sending a toddler to preschool for the first time or handing your teenager the car keys for the first drive to high school. Every age comes with its own version of the jitters, and every age has its own way through them.
Terrence Culver is an adolescent therapist at Cornerstone Healing Center. He’s also a father of four and a former middle school teacher, which means he’s seen the back-to-school transition from every angle there is. He recently joined AZ Family’s morning show to share what actually helps, broken down by age.
Preschool: Keep Goodbyes Short and Sweet
For a 2 or 3-year-old starting preschool, the concept of time doesn’t mean much yet. What matters more is how the goodbye feels.
Have fun, I’ll see you later, I’ll pick you up later. And just kind of being okay with letting them out the door and letting go. Being able to send them on their way with a smile, happy and enthusiastic yourself. — Terrence Culver
Tears at drop-off are normal for both parent and child. A shorter goodbye tends to work better than a long, drawn-out one, since lingering can make the moment harder for everyone.
Kindergarten: Build the Excitement Early
For kids who’ve already been through a few school years but still get the jitters, conversation matters. Talk about what you’re both looking forward to, revisit friends they’ll see again, and if possible, walk through the classroom together before day one.
Culver also points to routine as one of the most effective tools parents have, and it starts the night before, not the morning of.
A lot of it is going to start the night before. Making sure we get a good amount of sleep, the bath time is at the same time every night, eating the same thing, working on homework. That routine just kind of gets them ready, and it gets the internal body clock ready. — Terrence Culver
Consistent sleep and wake times, plus natural morning sunlight, help reset a child’s internal clock after a summer of looser schedules. A predictable routine turns the school day from something daunting into something familiar.
Middle School: Get Organized and Stay Emotionally Available
Middle school is often the hardest transition of all. Kids go from one teacher and one classroom to six periods, six teachers, and a much bigger social world, all at once, right as puberty adds its own layer of intensity.
Culver’s organization advice is simple and concrete: one binder with dividers for all classes, rather than a backpack full of loose papers. A weekly “backpack dump,” ideally on Sunday, to clear out stray papers and reset for the week ahead. And a consistent after-school plan: snack, then homework, then dinner and bedtime at predictable times, so nothing feels like a surprise.
The emotional side matters just as much as the logistics. Many middle schoolers simply want to be heard before they want a solution. Culver suggests asking rather than assuming: do you want help with this, or is this something you want to handle yourself? That small choice gives a young teen some autonomy while keeping the door open for support.
High School: Shift from Manager to Consultant
As kids move into high school, Culver describes a shift in the parenting role itself, from manager to consultant.
We still want to really be hands-on, but the autonomy increases. Parents can do a midweek check, an end-of-week check. How are your classes going? Anything you need help with? Letting them manage it, but in the background still paying attention. — Terrence Culver
Most schools now offer online grade portals, which makes it easy to stay informed without hovering. A quick, low-pressure check-in once or twice a week relieves the anxiety that comes from constant questions, while still keeping parents in the loop.
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Screen Time: Scale Back Without a Fight
After a summer of wide-open screen time, pulling back for the school year is one of the most common back-to-school battles. Culver’s approach focuses on structure over restriction.
Set clear boundaries around when and where screens are allowed: not at the dinner table, and not in bedrooms overnight. Aim to power down screens one to two hours before bed to protect sleep.
When kids push back, Culver recommends reassurance instead of a punitive tone.
It’s a reminder that your time starts over tomorrow, when this is done. It’s kind of that reassurance that it’s not being taken away. But it’s got to restart, meaning it’s going to come back. — Terrence Culver
Framing the cutoff as a pause rather than a punishment tends to reduce the pushback significantly.
When the Back-to-School Jitters Don't Fade
A little nervousness before a new school year is normal at every age. But for some kids, the stress of a transition can surface something bigger, ongoing anxiety, a mood shift that doesn’t lift, or difficulty coping that goes beyond the first week of jitters.
If that sounds like what your family is experiencing, Cornerstone Healing Center’s adolescent therapy team, including therapists like Terrence Culver, works with teens and families navigating exactly these kinds of challenges.
Learn more about adolescent and family support at Cornerstone Healing Center, or reach out to talk through what you’re seeing at home.
